Today marks two weeks without my beloved brother. I can’t begin to explain how different the world is. Grief is this super weird rollercoaster without end or the ability to exit.
Most of you know how incredibly close I am to both of my brothers. We had been through so much as a family and they are my favorite people in the whole world. Even though John lived across the country, we always kept in touch and getting to spend time with him and my family has been the most precious thing to me. Seriously, have you ever heard me talking about getting to go home for Christmas? Who cares about Santa and gifts when you get to spend time with John and Thomas!!
We grew up in a house of Magic brought to life through our imaginations and my Mom’s creativity (pre-pintrest mind you). When we were very young, my Mom would always read to us every night and one of our favorite series was Harry Potter.
Because I am a super Nerd, I have always wanted a Harry Potter tattoo, but I didn’t want something typical. I wanted something different with layers of meaning like my other tattoos. Over 10 years ago, I told my brothers that I thought the Weasley’s W would be super fitting as it would represent them and W for our last name. When John and Thomas were little everyone thought that they were twins. They were always getting into mischief and they so reminded our family of Fred and George. The W was perfect, it was just a matter of when. Yesterday, my buddy Nick Reinert from The Factory Troy made this longtime intention happen and it is perfect.
I texted a photo of the finished tattoo to Thomas and his response… We lost Fred
In the books and movie, Fred Weasley was killed in the battle of Hogwarts. It was one of the most shocking and gutting moments for us when we read the series. I did a little google search and found this on PotterMore. The parallels gave me such chills.
“On the anniversary of the battle in 2015, J.K. Rowling tweeted how sorry she was at writing Fred’s death and all of the sadness came flooding back. Even now, many years on, his death is too much for words. His exciting young life cut short; the very notion of George without Fred; the dreadful effect on his parents and siblings. How could this possibly be?
How COULD this possibly be? I don’t know. But it is and now we are on this ride with no end called grief.
I find so much peace in that I feel so incredibly grateful that every time I got to see, text or talk with John – I told him how much I love him. I told him how proud I am of him and how special it is to be his sister. He was/is (I still &$%up the tenses) an amazing man and someone who I so admire. Maybe it is because we lived so far apart, maybe it was because we both were so busy. But in the times that I do get to be with my family (and friends) I tend to gush (sometimes obnoxiously) about how much I love and appreciate them. I do this because I have seen so many other families in grief and while I never understood the feelings until now – I recognized the importance of being present and connecting while you can.
Tell the ones you love how much the mean to you. Practice gratefulness for the gift that is now.
Christmas has always been my most happy time with my Brothers.
John and Thomas at Universal Studios – Harry Potter World